Heavy is the Heart of A Tired Soul

“To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in rage almost all of the time.” – James Baldwin


I'm Tired photo project_angry black woman_aggressive black man 8-6-15

Dearest Diary,

I am tired.
I am tired of bloodshed.
I am tired of genocide.
I am tired of gun violence.
I am tired of hate crimes.
I am tired of domestic abuse.
I am tired of child abuse.
I am tired of bigotry.
I am tired of communism.
I am tired of terrorism.
I am tired of homophobia.
I am tired of misogyny.
I am tired of racism.
I am tired of white privilege.
I am tired of corruption in law enforcement.
I am tired of no indictments.
I am tired of no convictions.
I am tired of corruption in the government.
I am tired of mass incarceration.
I am tired of media cover-ups.
I am tired of propaganda.
I am tired of opinions outweighing facts.
I am tired of oppression outweighing freedom.
I am tired of hate outweighing love.
I am tired of inequality.
I am tired of false religion.
I am tired of the inhumanity in humankind.
I am tired of this system of things.
I am tired of the number of innocent black lives being taken…rising.
I am tired of being black with a target on my back.
I am tired of being tired.

I could stretch this list a mile long, possibly longer, and that saddens me to no end. We’ve come to the point where we might as well just put a hashtag in front our names right now, because we don’t know which one of us is next. A childhood friend of mine was murdered over the holiday weekend, shot in the head and dumped in a ditch. This is the inhumanity in humankind that I speak of. What kind of sick person would do something like that? There are worse things being done minute by minute, and that chills me down to my core! Yes, I’m saddened by the world’s injustices across the board, but let us not pretend that there isn’t a major focus on demolishing one race in particular.


“Even with videotaped evidence of police destroying black people, many freedom –loving Americans remain unconvinced of a systematic problem.” – Jessie Williams


In the midst of finding out about the murder of my old friend Marie Sesay, I have saw yet another video of two policemen shooting and killing yet another black man on the street. Alton Sterling’s name has been added to the long list of black men and woman falsely labeled aggressive and threatening. Somewhere along the line, apprehending a suspect in a non-violent manner became null and void. Using the stun gun wasn’t enough to tame a man not resisting arrest, but shooting him twice at close range was the way to go. This hatred isn’t a new thing, it’s been going on for centuries. My people have been targeted with systems designed to destroy us, and it’s living up to its full potential. You better believe, where they aren’t attacking the flesh, they are attacking the mind. They don’t care about our parents, they don’t care about our siblings, they don’t care about our babies, they don’t care about our success, only our downfall. We are not loved, we are not respected, and we are NOT safe. The media keeps spinning these stories, until another one unfolds. The courtrooms keep dismissing these officers time and time again, without a slap on the wrist. Administrative leave is the new capital punishment for murderous cops it seems.


@prisonculture “Black person killed by cops on video.
Video circulates as ‘education’.
Calls for ‘justice’ from an unjust system.
No justice.


I remember not too long ago I posted about the mass shooting in Orlando, and tried to end it on such a positive note. Sure, that held me over for all of a few hours, but the rage returned. The rage keeps returning. There is nothing peaceful about the solution to all of this. There is no song we can sing while holding hands walking down the street, in hopes of magically changing the psyche of sick people set out to kill us all. The solution is terrifying, and writing this blog, posting on Facebook or tweeting about my anger will NOT put a stop to this madness. In the words of La…


@rawsyllables “we must revolt and rebuild.”


Point. Blank. Period.



Rest in peace Alton Sterling

Rest in peace Kumba Mariatu Sesay

Rest in peace to the black man, black woman, black girl, black boy whose names have not yet been released.

Photo credit: Ming Au

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